Why aren’t there any tornadoes in PA?

I really want to have a tornado occur somewhere local to me.  I will drive my car into it, wearing a parachute, and when I am at the top I will jump out and let it centrifuge me out so I can sky-dive back down.  I might not even pull the chute cord, because I will most likely get struck by lightning, which I have stated already will give me superhuman abilities, and I will just make a crater in the ground when I land.  If you're reading this HAARP, please try to trigger tornadoes in my location, and try to make it an F6!